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No matter how you look at it, divorce will be ugly for some people. Some things you will understand as the process plays out. For a majority of people, splitting up is a heartbreaking experience full of anguish. You will experience a heartfelt loss at the same time there will be fresh possibilities and opportunities.
A marriage can end at any time. But that doesn’t mean that you or your partner have to mock each other for the rest of your lives. Two decent people can be married and have different choices that do not match. The following is a list of 10 tips to preserve and protect your delicate peace after a divorce.
1. Do Not Try to Patch Up Too Soon
You and your partner’s feelings, impulses, interests, reactions, and needs will follow a completely different pattern after a divorce. According to a Denver divorce attorney, both of you should always maintain a cautious and formal distance from each other in the beginning.
These boundaries allow you to manage a business, establish the principles and guidelines for a new friendship. With time the new partnership could flourish into the possibility of parenting a child together. It is completely your choice how you want to inform your new partner about your past. It doesn’t hurt to be cautious in the beginning.
2. Lawyers anticipate the worst. Mediators focus on the best.
Find a great mediator who is also a qualified lawyer. Looking for a shrewd lawyer will only worsen the situation if you are not already on fighting terms with your spouse. Instead of a lawyer consider getting the help of a mediator if you are on speaking terms with your spouse.
Your spouse has similar expectations from a mediator and it will save you much more money in the long run. This way you can end the relationship without having to forget the sweet memories you had together.
3. Writing a Parenting Plan concerning your children.
Begin your parenting plan with “To John and Mary”. Write a plan with their best interests in mind. Imagine your children reading the plan, to get an idea of what they would expect from you. You can get the assistance of an upland divorce attorney to make sure you do not miss out on anything legal which needs to be included in a parenting plan.
4. Trust Everyone but Keep Notes
Do not expect your spouse to play by the rules, regardless of how friendly your situation is. Make sure you have all the verbal agreements backed up in writing just in case someone “forgets” or begins to “act out”. Mediators are also lawyers so that they can take the necessary legal action to help if your partner does not live up to their word.
This is especially important if you reside in the same area as your spouse. You may have an understanding with the co-parent to visit your children during non-visiting hours. Get everything in writing if you are being flexible to meet anyone’s demands.
5. Confront the differences of opinion
You cannot predict everything. People you thought were friends might turn out to be from the other side. You might have conflicts with people you never even imagined being rude. What is going to happen when you are going through a rough patch?
Consider that one of you could be successful in the future and might want to relocate. What if your spouse wants you to pay for graduate school and you do not want to have a connection any longer? What will you do? Start mediation again? Make sure everything is written clearly so that there is no room for any misunderstanding.
6. Construct Clear Consequences for the Rule Breaker
What will be the consequences if either one of you doesn’t abide by the guidelines set out? For example parenting, what are the consequences for the person who breaks the rules?
Be completely clear about what happens to the person who breaks the rules. Also, make sure you are clear about the role of an ex in such a situation like this.
7. Do Not Do What You Always Did
One of the best parts of a divorce is that you are no longer responsible for your partner’s behavior. It works both ways. They are no longer responsible for you either. Stop the old habits of always giving or taking support from your partner.
Stop listening to your partner’s self-hatred, insecurities, or ridiculous relationships about their family just to take advantage of you. Stop listening TO them. Learn to make your own decisions and always beware of divorce sex! Just to cut a long story short.
8. Turn Over a New Leaf in Your Social Life
If you want to have a durable relationship with somebody who could be a prospective parent with you, you need to let go of all the resentment and the failures. Forget about who gets to keep what and what you are becoming. Do not start getting a bad conscious now that the other person has moved on and completely forgotten about you and blah blah blah.
Think of it this way, they are making an effort to make a change in their life. You will feel bad because you did have great memories with them. But guess what? Life goes on! You may have feelings of jealousy in the beginning but you need to let it go and move on.
9. Show The (newly-reconfigured) Family You Still Care
There is no harm to gather as a family. Go out for a movie together. Let the kids know you still care about them. There will be times when your kids will want things to go back to the way they were.
Let your kids know from the start that they have two parents. Let your kids know you still love them and care for them no matter what.
10. No new people
The reason why the divorce is happening is that one of you is furious at the other. After all, they did something wrong. That person feels emotionally betrayed, cheated, and deceived. If it was all because of a third-party, it is important not to let them in early on in the scene.
All of this advice will have been a huge waste if any third-party gets involved, even with the children. It doesn’t matter that the children are teenagers. This will still be confusing to them and they will not understand any of this anyway. Just focus on family.